Rules have a tendency to feel restrictive. However, healthy relationships must practice the 4 rules of communication. Break any one of them and walls go up.
I love to keep current… with certain things. When it comes to my favorite teams, app updates, and oil changes I’m all over it. But to keep current in my marriage I have to work hard.
What does it mean to keep current?
To keep current means to deal with anything that causes anger or frustration. There are many times love must cover those minor irritations and idiosyncrasies. But when we feel disrespected, unloved, or mistreated, we have to deal with it before it drives a wedge or builds a wall between us and our spouse.
Rule #2… KEEP CURRENT
Ephesians 4:26-27 says, “In your anger do not sin” : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. (NIV)
If I break rule #2 Keep Current with my wife we both feel the strain in our relationship. Several times I’ve found myself sleepless at night. I knew I was about to break this rule and not keep current. So I rolled over, nudged my wife, and made sure we were current. This has led to some very late nights.
Here are three practical ways to apply this rule and a question to consider…
- Get angry, but don’t sin. Lying (v. 25) is sin; anger (v. 26) may not be. Anger is sinful when it is use to attack others (Prov. 25:28) or self (stewing about the problem). Failure to solve problems daily means we are giving a place, or a foothold, to Satan – this opens the way for disappointment, resentment, bitterness, and even hatred.
- Do not cut off communication. Proactively seek solutions. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Think about what’s important. Don’t threaten, explode, erupt, or bottom line (“All I have to say is . . .”).
- Deal with problems today. Putting up walls just doesn’t make relationships better. Tear them down by dealing with anger.
A GREAT resource that will help you get to the heart of communication struggles is War of Words by Paul Tripp. My wife and I went through this with a group and it was awesome!
QUESTION: How do you keep current with your husband/wife?