Dad’s don’t begin parenting thinking, “I hope to be a complete failure!” Most of us want to be awesome dad’s, right!? I do! I’m not claiming to be an awesome dad. But I learned something this weekend that may help.
Backpacking in the Shenandoah National Park.
Manhood Adventure
This weekend I took my 1o year old son Elijah on our first backpacking trip. This was also part of his rite of passage into the double digits (he turned 10 in March)!
Every month I take my sons out for breakfast (starting at 1st grade). I call it our manhood breakfast. We talk about manhood (based on Raising a Modern Day Knight), review the previous month, set new goals, and laugh… a lot!
When my sons turn 10 we ramp it up to an overnight manhood adventure. If you’re not an outdoors type you can make it a cookout, water park, or whatever fits your context.
Rite of passage manhood adventures will continue to ramp up at ages 13, 16, graduation from high school, graduation from college, and then at marriage. It’s not all planned out but I hope to take all three boys to the Grand Canyon or some place similar at age 16.
Before our trip this weekend my wise and wonderful leadership coach and friend Brad Bridges gave me some advice that is helping me become a more awesome dad. I think it can help you too. But before I share that, let me set it up for you…
Awesome God
Rich Mullins got it right when he wrote the song Awesome God.
Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
With wisdom, power, and love
Our God is an awesome God
Homage to Rich Mullins, but Kirk Franklin does THE BEST version. Take a minute to get your praise, worship, and groove on HERE. Then check out this Hip-hop dance group version HERE.
What does all that have to do with being an awesome dad?
Glad you asked. It has EVERYTHING to do with being an awesome dad! Being an awesome dad is only possible because we have an awesome God. Brad’s advice was basically this: treat your son the way God has treated you! #BOOM #tweetthat
How has God treated me?
- He is patient
- He always listens
- He is full of mercy
- He is full of grace
- He is always ready to forgive and does so completely
- He is a great listener, always ready to hear my prayer
- And SO much more!
How to be an Awesome dad
Here are a few tips I’m learning:
1. ASK ENDLESS QUESTIONS (thanks Brad). Parenting is all about our relationship with our kids. Ask HOW or WHAT questions and then LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN.
On our trip I asked my son lots of questions. I asked about his favorite ice cream flavors, how he thinks the Redskins will do this season, how school went this year, what could be better in the coming year, how he feels about home school and the potential to go into public middle school, and on and on.
The more time I gave him to answer the more he began asking me questions. It’s fun getting to know each other!
2. INVEST MEANINGFUL TIME. Kids spell love TIME. They don’t feel loved just by our hard work, monetary provisions, or sacrifices. Those are important, but kids (like most wives), feel loved when we spend time with them. They are not our projects. We don’t always need to teach a lesson, correct, or train. Love them by spending meaningful time.
Suggestions
- Take your kids out for a special meal. Or just desert.
- Do something they love.
- Play games (our family does game night every Thurs)
- Go for bike rides.
- Take them on a trip when possible.
My son’s eyes lit up when I told him, “Elijah, I loved being with you on this trip.” I hugged him tightly. He felt my love because I had invested meaningful time with him.
3. ADMIT YOUR FAULTS. Our kids know we aren’t perfect. Okay, they know just about all our faults!
You don’t have to be perfect to be an awesome dad. To be an awesome dad we have to be aware of our faults and quick to admit them. I have plenty of faults: impatient, proud, controlling, just to name a few.
It went something like this on our trip: “Son, daddy was wrong! Will you forgive me? I need Jesus and change as much as you or anyone. Will you pray for me, that my heart will change and for me to become more of a man/dad worth following?”
Great article Ed! This is something our fellowship of dads have been doing since Katie and I have been at Bethel. John Bouquet has led the charge and been an example. At 13, a 3-day road trip while they listen and discuss material they listen to from Focus on the Family. At 16 there is a “rite of passage” round-table where the dad and son invite Godly men to be give advice and commit to be hold the young man accountable until marriage. Your article brought up an important step- these two milestone events have limited impact without the continual intention to communicate and form this type of relationship. I love the weekly goals you have set up with your family, thanks for sharing!
Mike, that’s awesome! There is nothing like great role models for our boys. I’d love to do more group mentoring in the next few years. Glad this is helpful and adds a little to what you’re already familiar with. Iron sharpens iron bro!
Ed you have some great practices! I will probably have to take my daughter (wild spirit) sky diving to intrigue her but I get it, your spot on. I don’t think I tell people enough how much I enjoy their time, no less my daughter. Thanks a ton Ed!
Billy, thanks so much for commenting! I’m definitely better for knowing you and reconnecting after all these years. You’re blessed with that wild spirited girl. Stay patient and loving. Your investment in her life will pay off BIG time down the road. Thanks again for commenting. I hope these posts will continue to be an encouragement!
Great post, Ed. You not only are teaching many of us how to be a better parent but you are also modeling it right in front of us. Thanks for the opportunity to learn from you. Keep sharing!
Brad, thank you for your kind words of encouragement. By God’s grace we’ll both be examples worth following! What an adventure parenting is! One of the great joys of my life.